Super Worst Enemies
by PrincessPenelliotTheBrave
Summary: There's a reason why South Park is so dangerous. What if I told you that it's no coincidence that supernatural beings make regular occurrences, that it's because of powerful Gods... and their children. The adults decided something must be done for the safety of everyone, so the children all leave tonight. Though they don't know that yet.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh yeah? I bet you $20 that you're wrong, fatass!" Kyle yelled.

"Oh you are on, Jew!" Cartman yelled back.

"Guys, guys, what's happening?" Stan asked as he and Kenny approached Kyle's house to find him fighting with Cartman.

"Cartman thinks he talked to a goat who told him he was a god. I bet him he couldn't prove it." Explained Kyle.

"Dude what the fuck." Kenny exclaimed.

"He didn't say I was a god, Kyle, he said that I was the son of a god. And I can prove it. He said he would come back for me tonight at Stark's Pond. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make bets with all the other guys. I can make a fortune with this. Make sure to meet me at Stark's Pond tonight, and don't forget your twenty dollars! Ha!" Cartman said with an evil grin, and walked towards Craig's house.

"He is so full of shit." Kyle said in disbelief. "He can't possibly think he'll win this bet. Unless he has a plan to trick us."

"Maybe it isn't a trick." Stan said. "Maybe he really did talk to a goat who told him that he was the son of a god."

"Really, Stan? How could you believe that?" Kyle said.

"Well, he was right about the leprechaun. And about pooping out of your mouth. And also about shitting your pants when you-"

"Alright, alright!" Kyle interrupted Stan. "But at least those were all reasonable. Kind of. This is ridiculous! He just wants us to believe that he's important so we'll worship him or something."

Stan sighed. "Look, maybe he's lying or maybe he isn't. All I know is that I'll be at Stark's Pond to see whatever proof he has for myself."

"Me too!" Said Kenny.

"Fine, go on and play into his lies. But I'll be laughing at you all when you're gullible enough to believe whatever Cartman says." Kyle said, and angrily shut the door to his house behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Kyle sat in his room trying to study, but every now and then a couple kids would walk by his house talking loudly about Cartman and he would lose focus on his work.

He glared at them out the window.

"Don't you guys have anything better to do?" He yelled at Jason, Clyde, and Token walking by.

"No." Clyde yelled back.

"Kyle, why don't you just come to Stark's Pond. You know Cartman isn't going to give in until he does whatever he's trying to do. Just get it over with." Token reasoned.

Kyle sighed. He knew Token was right, but he hated playing into Cartman's stupid plans.

"Fine, but I'm not staying more than half an hour. I still have homework and I won't fail because of that stupid asshole."

He grabbed his coat and ran down the stairs.

"Mom, I'm going to Stark's Pond! I'll be back in less than an hour!" He shouted as he passed the kitchen.

"Alright bubbe, have fun." Sheila replied.

Kyle raced out the door to meet up with Token, Clyde, and Jason.

"Okay guys, let's go. I want to waste as little time as possible on this."

Before they could even see Cartman through the trees Kyle heard him spewing bullshit about Greek mythology, things he probably only knew from browsing Wikipedia an hour before gathering half of the fourth grade class here.

He emerged from the trees to see Cartman standing on a large rock with his back turned to Kyle. It looked as if he was rallying their classmates, not unusual for Cartman to do.

"We have to search through the forest! He's only here for me because I'm the one with super sweet godly powers that you guys don't have, but I'll let you help me look for him." Cartman announced to the assembled fourth graders huddled by the pond.

"Oh shut up, fatass. We all know your story is bullshit." Kyle yelled from behind him.

Cartman turned and regarded Kyle with a neutral expression.

"Ah, Kyle. Stand right about here please." He pointed to a spot a couple meters in front of the rock he stood on. "It's the perfect place for everyone to see you while I point and laugh in your face before you give me your twenty dollars." Cartman said with a smirk.

Kyle shook with rage. "Cut the crap, Cartman. Just admit you made it up and give everyone their money."

"Kyle, you see-" Cartman started only to be interrupted by what sounded like pan flute music.

"Aww, what the hell?" Cartman yelled. "Who's playing pan flutes? Craig, is that you?"

Craig shot him a glare.

"I know it's you, fatass!" Kyle jabbed a finger up at Cartman. "I said drop it. You're not getting my twenty dollars or anyone else's."

"Hello." A strange voice rung out whimsically across the pond. Everyone turned their heads to the forest.

"CUT IT OUT!" Kyle yelled. Cartman looked down at him smugly. "I have homework I need to finish, I'm going home." He turned his back on Cartman.

"Wait... wait a moment, Kyle."

Kyle paused. That didn't sound like Cartman or anyone else he knew. He turned around slowly.

An out of breath... man... was standing a bit hunched over by the edge of the pond and staring right at him while gasping for air. Kyle stared back.

"Ha! I told you!" Cartman pointed at Kyle. "I told you guys there was a talking goat."

"I'm... actually... a satyr." He panted. "Not a goat."

"Whatever, Kyle still owes me twenty dollars." Cartman jumped down from his rock, landing badly and falling into the dirt. "I meant to do that."

The satyr straightened up. "We have to go, Eric. Your father trusted me to get you all to camp safely."

"Ha! I get to go to-wait, what did you say?" Cartman looked at the satyr. "Did you say 'all'? All who?" He demanded.

The satyr took a piece of paper out of his breast pocket, which made sense considering he wasn't wearing any pants.

"Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Wendy Testaburger, Clyde Donovan, Bebe Stevens, Craig Tucker, Leopold Stotch, Kenny McCormick, Token Black, Jimmy Valmer, Tweek Tweak, and Kyle Broflovski. Your father said you were sure to get them all in one place." The satyr glanced around at the other eleven children. "Looks like you did. Now hurry, we have to go!"


	3. Chapter 3

Cartman sat with his arms crossed in the front seat of the chariot as they flew over the countryside nearing Long Island Sound. Every so often he would let out a huff of indignation, like right now.

"Oh shut up, fatass. I gave you your twenty dollars." Said Kyle in exasperation.

"Dude, I wonder who our parents are!" Stan was pretty excited about the camp. "Can you tell us who all the Gods are, Grover?" He asked the satyr next to Cartman.

"Sure! First off you have Zeus and Hera, the king and queen of Olympus. They don't always get along, but Hera stays faithful no matter what kind of trouble Zeus gets himself into. If you're one of Zeus' illegitimate children be prepared for Hera's wrath to be unleased upon you." Grover gestured dramatically. "Zeus' brothers are Poseidon and Hades, rulers of the sea and underworld respectively. Together they're known as the big three. They don't exactly get along all the time. Then you have Demeter, she's pretty cool. Goddess of plant life and all that. We satyrs look up to her, being one with nature and all."

"How come there are so many of us from South Park who are descended from Gods and Goddesses?" Wendy interrupted.

"Well, there's a rumour about a bet..."

"Enough about bets!" Cartman stood up quickly causing the chariot to wobble. "I'm sick and tired of all of you! I hate you guys! Especially you, Butters."

"Oh hamburgers! What did I do?" Butters cowered in his seat.

"Stop it, Cartman!" Kyle stood up to face him. "You're only picking on Butters because you're upset that you aren't special or more powerful than the rest of us."

"Okay, calm down." Grover said, casting a glance behind him. "You can have this argument on the ground when we aren't in danger of crashing into a tree, okay?"

"My dad is probably Zeus anyway," Cartman grumbled, "and you'll be sorry when he strikes you down with lightning, Kahl."

"How do you know your dad is a god? What if it's your mom?" Wendy asked.

"Don't be stupid, I don't have a dad so obviously one of the gods is my dad." Cartman rolled his eyes.

"Isn't your dad Scott Tenorman's dad?" Stan asked.

"Why don't you go suck your hippie girlfriend's dick, Stan?" Cartman retorted.

"LANGUAGE!" Grover yelled. "Okay, we're going to land now so please for the love of gods don't distract me."

"Who do you think my godly parent is, fellas?" Butters asked.

"Probably the pussy god, god of gaping vaginas." Cartman spat.

"Guys, look!" Kyle pointed to a hill they were quickly approaching. Past a line of trees that ran over the top they could see a couple of small buildings and people walking between them. Wrapped around the largest tree in the middle of the hill was a copper lump.

"F-f-fuck me, that's a dragon!" Jimmy exclaimed.

"His name is Peleus." Grover explained briefly. "He guards the fleece."

"What's the fleece?" Clyde asked.

The chariot made a sudden dip and sped up as they neared the ground.

"I'll tell you later!" Grover shrieked, attempting to get the vehicle under control. He made a sharp landing next to the tree, catapulting the children onto the hill and awakening Peleus who stood up to greet them.

"Get off of me, fatass!" Kyle pushed Cartman roughly.

"Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew." Cartman muttered.

"Greetings, new campers!" A voice echoed from the other side of the hill.

"Who is that?" Butters asked, mouth agape.

"That," Grover announced, "is Chiron."


End file.
